You: Hey – this feels great, and I’d like to keep on doing it if you would, but I just want to press pause for a sec to make sure we’re on the same page. Them: Yeah, I like this too, and if you want to have dry sex, I could be down with that, but that all by itself is great for me, too. Just keep me posted with any changes if you start to feel differently, and I’ll do the same. Alternate Conversation: You: Hey – this feels great, and I’d like to keep on doing it if you would, but I want to stop for a sec to make sure we’re on the same page. (keeps kissing) You: Whoah: it’s really important to me that I take a minute now, so I need you to do that, too. You: You know, if we can’t do things like just take a minute to check in and lay down some boundaries and ground rules – and that’s all I needed to do – while this felt really good, I don’t want to keep going with it. If you’re ready to talk about this another time, you can call me. I’ve been having the hardest time talking about what I like and what I don’t.
I don't have a disability, but there are plenty of things I can't do or which don't feel comfortable for me, too.
How about we start with the good stuff: that’s easy, right? But it's often painful for me to do it in the position you keep wanting to do it in. So, what can I do to make that even better, and how can we do it so you're comfortable? maybe we could try it like You: I want to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me, and it isn’t easy to talk about, but I need to. You: Well, I keep feeling like maybe you don’t understand that just because you’re finished with sex, that doesn’t mean I am. You: You don’t need to feel terrible: I should have said something before now, I was just too nervous.
You're saying some pretty hurtful things to me, and I don't feel like you're being very considerate of my feelings. It’s just that lately I haven’t been in the mood for sex at all. And I know it does, which is why I’m trying to finally talk about it. It’s not about you being a jerk or being bad in bed.
We’re having sex together, so any problems I’m having like this are supposed to be things you care about, too. I wish I was, but I’ve just been so stressed out, these antidepressants are doing a serious number on me, and I also think I’m just feeling unresolved with where we’re at with other parts of our relationship lately. You: I just didn’t want you to feel bad, and I don’t know how to tell you when it’s happening. You: I’m sorry: I can understand you being so upset with me and feeling like that. It’s just that, for starters, I need you to put less pressure on me to orgasm.
Maybe I’m afraid of hurting your feelings, or of embarrassing myself.